Confession of Crime

I committed a crime years ago. My hands were soaked by water of sins. I will forever carry this burden in my heart until the day I finally gave up my life. This crime has no witness, but me. In fact I was the only one who did this act. God on the other hand were only watching me, observing me, creating a solution maybe on I am doing. While the Devil himself happily seated in front of me, enjoying the every single thing i did.

I wish to never reveal this secret of mine that I've been hiding for so many years. I wish to let go of the past, as I would like to let go of this behavior. This secret is by far the worst sin I have ever committed in my entire life. This will, I assure you, put me in hell by the time I die. People say, that God forgives you for whatever sins you did. I believe them, but repenting that sin and repeating it over again will only make things worse. You think God will still forgive me for what I've done? In my own opinion no. I am only making things difficult for me. I am trying to overcome this, this obsession of mine still the devil is beside me pushing me to do it again.

I know that God is always right next to me, shining my way to the right path that I must take. Yet, I blind myself with useless visions that made me ignore things God made for me. I ignored every single details in my life that could have made me even more happier. I am a disappointment. I disappoint myself, even I disgust myself.

You see me as a happy individual, but inside I am an evil bitch consumed with lustful behaviors that makes the devil the most happiest man alive. How I wish I could turn back the time and prevent myself from doing this. I wish that I could still, in my age stop this ridicule situation of mine so that I could focus on my goals.

I never told anyone of this thing, and I never would. When I tell them about my little secret, they will think of me as an imprudent child. They will spit on me, curse me, and even try to kill me. My parents would have to change their names and disgrace me. They would have to stay away from me like I had a virus. Maybe I do have a virus, a virus not contagious. But a virus that could make me the most hated person on earth.

I don't even know why I bothered writing this on my blog. Maybe because I'm confident that no one is reading this.

God, I pray again this time. To help me eliminate those things in my mind that will make me ruin my whole career, that would someday bring me down. Help me please, to repent my sins and never have to do it again. I am tired of sleepless nights trying to think of ways to get rid of those ridicule moments that haunts me in my sleep. I pray for my soul to be cleansed and purify. I pray for my family to not hate me, if someday they will find out of my secret. I pray for me God, please help me.

Amen.