I must say good bye to this ridicule behavior of mine. It only worsens my situation of becoming close to God. I do believe that the devil himself has done a pretty good job of luring me to his trap and once again commit a mistake.
Curiosity killed my cat. I am pretty much certain of this. I mean my curiosity leads me to this massive imprudence I am now facing. My life is not yet meaningless for I have done a few good deeds in my existence, but counting all the sins I have committed I believe it will not change anything. I am a girl of sins, I have failed God, my parents and myself.
How many times do I have to beg God's forgiveness for me to be able to stop this obsession. This is not good, it never was. Still I pray and fight the urge for me to make the same mistake all over again.
It's like I've been taking drugs, I got sober for a week and I'm into it again. I can't help it, it's so good, I feel so high. I may seem like your ordinary teen who can't do anything foolish in life, but behind those silly smiles you see, I am perfectly known to be imperfectly sinful of life. I do things very badly and there is nothing I can do to change it.
I scream HELP, for I need divine guidance. I need assistance to stop this madness this destruction. This liberation, this evil schemes.
I pray not because I need to, but because I want to change for the better. Now that the second semester is starting, I will do everything in my power to stop this behavior. May Lord Jesus Christ guide me.
Amen.
